Seasons of Marriage - Summer
- tc rebel
- Oct 12, 2021
- 7 min read
Updated: Oct 14, 2021
Hello Brothers and sisters and good afternoon to all, We’ve been discussing a new series “Seasons of Marriage” and last we spoke, we discussed “Spring,” we talked about how to find that special person, and the honeymoon, I discussed with you how if you let the little things build up over time, they can lead to disaster and divorce, how we should embrace each other’s differences, and accept our soul mate for who they are, because that’s the reason we fell in love with them in the first place isn’t it? Their differences, their uniqueness, their individuality, and who they are as a person.
Today we’ll be discussing “Summer,” now we’re settling in, the seeds we planted are now starting to break through, we’re noticing changes in the fertile soil, and our roots are starting to take hold. The weather is getting warmer, and the evenings are perfect for snuggling outdoors at the firepit.
The season of summer in our marriages, usually takes place after the honeymoon about the second or third year depending on how “smitten” you are with each other and when reality starts to set in. This part of our marriage can seem a bit daunting to some, others find a certain calmness or serenity knowing they can just be themselves, and not have to put on their best anymore.
No matter how you choose to see this season of your marriage, we all need to understand a few points, they are a person and not just any person but the person we chose to spend the rest of our life with, no matter how big our problems are we work through them together, If we have a problem with each other we sit down at a table and discuss it with each other without verbal abuse, yelling, or insults. Remember, this is the person that we chose to be with, they deserve our respect and our love.
As I said the summer season can be just as good as Spring, what you need to keep in mind is that now we’ve been living with our chosen mate, and we’ve learned a great deal more about them, their habits, their likes, and dislikes, the way they do chores and help out, how happy we are when they come home from work or business trips. Everything they hide from everyone else; the quirks and kinks have been all laid bare for us to see because now, now brothers and sisters is the time that we get comfortable with each other. We start to anticipate each other’s needs and wants, we start to learn their love language, whether it’s gifts, touch, action such as doing chores, or any of the possibilities of the language of love and how they feel that love from us.
Colossians chapter 3 verse 13 says “Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.”
Proverbs chapter 15 verse 18 says “A hot-tempered man stirs up strife, but he who is slow to anger quiets contention.”
Matthew chapter 6 verse 15 says “But if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”
2 Timothy chapter 2 verse 23-24 says “Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord's servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil”
James chapter 4 verse 1-3 asks us “What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.”
Proverbs chapter 13 verse 10 says “By insolence comes nothing but strife, but with those who take advice is wisdom.”
I’m sorry if some of these verses get repeated as we go on this journey together, but the intention is to drive the point home, and the point is this, the world is in a bad place right now, it’s dark, it’s cynical, there’s so much going on no one can ever see the good that God is working, we only see the bad and what God hasn’t done yet, from the news outlets choosing to cover only what the governments tell them too, to what we choose to see and look upon our devices, but marriage, brothers and sisters, marriage can stand the test of time if we let it.
If during this season brothers and sisters you do find yourself wanting, you feel like your marriage is lacking something, it’s not because your mate isn’t doing the things you want them to do, it’s not because the grass is greener on the other side, it’s because you aren’t communicating with your partner as you did in the beginning.
While we’re in the “spring” stage, we communicate probably way too much, but that’s a good thing, sitting and talking, having in-depth discussions about bedroom antics, home and family, we say what’s on our mind, and share those feelings openly, but as time goes on and we move into “summer,” “fall,” or even “winter” we see these discussions, we see the connection start to disappear or wear thin, we have certain expectations, “they should know by now what I like,” or “they should know to have the house clean, or dinner done” no they shouldn’t, we are not each other’s slave, just because we have chosen to go down this path with someone doesn’t mean we are at their beck and call.
Anticipating one’s needs and having a discussion about what we like, what we want to see happen, where we’re going are two different things, but it all requires one simple ingredient for it all to work, and that brothers and sisters is communication. Communication without insult or injury, communication without oppressing one’s feelings, communication without trying to hurt or destroy one another, that is key to a long and happy marriage.
It’s also during this time that most marriages nowadays start to fail, they start to rot before the seeds can grow deep into the soil and become strong, the reason brothers and sisters is this. We are always looking for greener pastures, we’re always looking to see if the grass is truly greener on the other side.
Maybe we’ve grown so cold toward each other that we look for someone who cares about us, or maybe we’ve just fallen out of love and look for someone better looking, but I am here to tell you the grass is not always greener and although someone might look more attractive or might seem like they do more, there is always something about them, that in time you will come to dislike as well, and you will be looking again. For as long as you choose not to communicate with each other, speak your mind, and show respect while doing it, you will never truly be happy.
We don’t stop to think for ourselves, we see our neighbors and say things like “she always does this for him, why can’t you be more like her” or “he’s always doing this for her why can’t you be more like him” we don’t stop and take a step back and realize that if the communication were to be enhanced between the two of us maybe we would be more like our neighbors.
The problem is that while our communication skills with one another are poor, they may have better communication skills, or maybe they’re still in the “spring” phase, or maybe, just maybe they’re in the fall or winter phase of their marriage, we don’t know, and a lot of times we don’t care, we see how they act with each other, and then pine over and wish that it was like that for us, we don’t work towards it, we just want that magic wand to fix everything in our lives, but even the bible says we have to put in some effort.
1 Corinthians chapter 10 verse 13 says “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”
2 Peter chapter 1 verse 2-4 “May grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of him who called us to his own glory and excellence, by which he has granted to us his precious and very great promises, so that through them you may become partakers of the divine nature, having escaped from the corruption that is in the world because of sinful desire.”
Colossians chapter 3 verse 23 “Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,”
2 Thessalonians chapter 3 verse 10-12 “For even when we were with you, we would give you this command: If anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies. Now, such persons, we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living.”
Next week we’ll be discussing “Fall,” now our seeds have been planted, they have taken root, this is the time of year, the time of Marriage, when we start to anticipate the harvest, we get to witness and experience the fall harvest as God intended us too, even though the trees may be changing colors, life will be filled with vibrance, and your plate will be filled with plenty to eat. I hope you all come back next week to experience the changing of seasons.
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