Seasons of Marriage - Winter

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Ok, let’s get started, Welcome brothers and sisters this is the fourth and final installment of our four-week series “Seasons of Marriage” our fourth installment is the season of winter, and just in time too huh? I don’t know about you all #RebelFam, #RebelArmy but it’s definitely pretty cold for me, I’ve had the heat on now for a week or two, and my home is very comfortable just like a long and loving marriage should be.

Over the last four weeks, we’ve discussed getting to know your partner, learning their quirks and kinks, and how we should embrace their uniqueness instead of dimming or diminishing them and making them feel unwanted, unloved, or even insulted. As spring came to an end and we began the voyage into summer we discussed how important it is to embrace our partner, to fully love who they are, and really find out what their likes and dislikes are, and we touched on how important it is to stay loyal and faithful even though sometimes maybe they made us feel less than human.

As summer came to a close, the temperature started to drop, and the leaves started turning colors as we ventured into fall. We dove more into how important it is to stay loyal, to love unconditionally, and to have faith both in God and in your partner. We talked about how important it is to communicate with one another and express your feelings, express your wins, your disappointments, and your frustrations. You see brothers and sisters the key, the key, THE KEY to a long and happy marriage is communication and surrendering yourself to your partner, which we are going to discuss here in winter.

Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22-33 says “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.”

1 Peter chapter 3 verse 7 continues on that note “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”

Colossians chapter 3 verse 19 commands “Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.”

In a strong, passionate, and Christ-filled marriage the hierarchy should most definitely go as follows, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” According to 1 Corinthians chapter 11 verse 3.

1 Peter chapter 3 verse 1-6 also follows Ephesians stating “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands.”

Now you’re asking yourselves what does this all mean? Pastor, it sounds like you’re telling us that we should “open” to our significant other whenever they want “it” whether we are in the mood or not and you would be partly correct. Let me go deeper with this so we all have a better understanding.

You see, brothers and sisters, when you reach the season of winter in your marriage, we tend to get “frosty” we tend to get a little salty and it’s not because we dislike who we are with, perhaps that may be a small part of it, but as we age, as we get older, we tend to change, we may become larger, body-wise. We may become thick-skinned or hardheaded, “well we’ve always done it this way why do you have to change now” pertaining to literally anything from shopping to cooking, from intimacy to cleaning, see in winter brothers and sisters we’ve been with our mate for so long that we get used to how certain things are, but this is where communication is still key.

Especially in the season of winter, while it’s getting cold outside, your marriage should start heating up, keeping each other warm is key! We do this by continuing to communicate without insult or injury, by cuddling and snuggling, and by continuing to show interest and sharing our feelings on their wins and their losses.

Another key factor in keeping your spouse happy is submission, and I don’t mean what y’all are thinking either, I saw y’alls faces dirty people, (it’s ok to laugh here, really, it’s a joke) what’s not a joke though is what I mean by submission.

Think about it like this, your spouse wants to run to the store, just a general grocery store, they ask if you wanna come with, you’ve had a hard day, you might be tired, or just generally don’t feel well so you say to your spouse “I really don’t feel like it” they hang their head and say something like okay, see you when I return, you sit thinking about it for a few moments, they’re down the road a ways and you decide to call them, “well honey, how far are you, just 10 minutes down the road? Well, I thought about it, and I do need some things from the store, mind coming to pick me up.”

Just like that you made their day, they get really excited and rush home, you’re standing there just like when y’alls was first dating, you hop in and off y’all go. It’s because you are submitting yourself to them, even though you may not have needed something from the store, just submitting your time to spend with them can change their whole day. Communication and submission in any form, for any reason, will help your marriage feel young and new like it was spring all over again, and it’ll keep you warm all winter long.

Togetherness, Loyalty, Faith, Communication, Submission, Love, Peace, Understanding, and Patience are all traits that we need to possess, whether we have them, we own them, or we need to learn them, your marriage won’t last until the season of winter let alone through winter if these are not the strongest traits you have, and Ironically speaking most if not all of them are either the gifts of the spirit or the fruits of the spirit, which we should all strive to possess anyway because they all lead up to one important all-encompassing word, Kindness…

Ephesians chapter 4 verse 32 says “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Galatians chapter 6 verse 10 says “So then, as we have the opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.”

Psalm chapter 32 verse 11 says “Be glad in the Lord, and rejoice, O righteous, and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!”

Finally, the most important verse, I feel, cause let’s be honest, one of my favorites, Philippians chapter 2 verses 1-30 says “So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from rivalry or conceit but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus.”

That passage right there, sums up our four-week series beautifully, in just a few short sentences Philippians says everything I’ve been saying and preaching the whole time. Be kind to each other, love one another, without insult, injury, deceit, talk with each other communicate your feelings, your wishes, and count your spouse and your family as the most important people in your lives next to God, put God first your marriage second, your family third and then you come in at fourth.

Brothers and sisters, there is no magic potion, there is no magic wand, there’s no “love guru” or quick fix for your marriage, the only thing you can rely upon is God’s own divine power and you’ll only receive HIS gift if you have faith and love each other enough to weather the storms, have a strong enough love to carry each other through the bumps and potholes, and your love for each other is sturdy and faith-filled to turn the tides and stand strong at the end hand in hand filled with 2 lifetimes of memories.

Participating and being present in a lifelong partnership is what we should all strive for, and it is my wish that all you brothers and sisters find someone who makes you happy, fills your life with joy, shares unforgettable moments with you, and brings you all closer to God.

“Father we give thanks to you for all the love and joy you bring us, we give thanks for those of us who have found our forever mate, and those who are still looking may their search be quick and filled with love. Father we give you thanks for the blessing you pour out on us, and the mercy you show us each and every day. May our homes be filled with the heat of passion, our beds filled with restful relaxation, and may we always remain faithful to those we are with, give us the strength to endure the things we dislike about our partners, bless us with the compassion to discuss our feelings with them, and let us be ever vigilant against those who would try to hurt and destroy our happiness. And all the people together in unison, with one powerful voice, said, AMEN”

Go in peace, love, and kindness brothers and sisters, may God watch over you and keep you safe till we meet again, amen, AMEN.

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Winter Road - Image Credit: DeFive Studios